99 Fears: Fear of Rejection

What drives us to not ask for help

My stupid self dropped my smartphone in the parking garage. In milliseconds, the glass was shattered. The model is 3 years old, and the device takes 5–10 minutes of struggle every day to get the phone to connect and charge. Yet, it took 24 hours to work up the courage to ask for an upgrade. If it takes me 24 hours to ask, others certainly never ask at all.

When I wake up with a head cold in the morning, my first reaction is: “I cannot stay home from work.” Then begins several minutes of internal struggle where I attempt to convince myself to get some rest and recovery. Eventually I convince myself and I send the obligatory email to my team and boss: ‘I’m taking a sick day.’ No turning back now, brace yourself for retaliation.

These stories are examples where I experience the fear of rejection. It seems silly, right? Why would you expect someone to say no and prolong your suffering? Somehow this irrational fear comes back every time. I’ve told similar stories in the past, and I keep relearning this lesson.

What I’ve (Re)learned

* Do not tolerate misery/discomfort/suffering. If it’s in your power to do something about it, *do it*.
* Don’t even waste brain cycles debating
* Do not hesitate to ask for help.
* Be concise in your request, explain the context, what you need, and what you’ve already tried.
* Remember that most people want to help you, even your enemies.
* The secret to success is: ASK!
* Articulate what you want to the people who can give you what you want.
* If you are authentic and diligent, rejection is unlikely
* The person you ask may not be able to help, but may help you connect with someone who can.

This is the coolest talk on the topic of rejection I have found:
[Jia Jiang: What I learned from 100 days of rejection | TED Talk | TED.com](https://www.ted.com/talks/jia_jiang_what_i_learned_from_100_days_of_rejection)

Really watch this TED talk!!


Together we build a world free of fear
What would you do if you were not afraid?

99 Fears: Fear of Exile

We hide our true self to fit in with our tribe

When you have a crazy idea,
You might hold back from sharing it.

You own mother might laugh at you.
Your friends might turn their backs.

You really believe in something,
But fear being alone in your belief.

Remember you can find the right people,
To get behind your movement.

Internet technology lets you connect
With almost anyone on the planet.

You can find your tribe.

A friend who passes judgment
Is no great friend at all


Together we build a world free of fear
What would you do if you were not afraid?


 

99 Fears: Fear of Failure

What drives us to inaction.

Fearing failure is dangerous.
It can halt all momentum.

You won’t be great at the start,
But you have to start to become great.

Remember that you are not alone.
Call on friends and colleagues to get unstuck.

Keep moving forward.
Try a different angle.

When the military goes to war,
It sends in the cavalry, the navy, the air force,
the army, the marines.

Go to war to solve your problem.
Attack it from all angles.

Remember there is an upside,
When things don’t go your way.

You have an opportunity to learn.
Ask: what should I be learning right now?

Remember there are a thousand more chances to start afresh.
The universe is abundant.

Wake up tomorrow,
And start again.


Together we build a world free of ear.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

99 Fears: The Fear of Missing Out

What drives us to waste hours doing stuff we don’t truly enjoy

There’s so much going on online
It’s hard not to fall behind
It’s like a firehose of information
You refresh the page incessantly
You start to feel a fear of missing out

We watch TV shows we hate
And meaningless TV news
because coworkers are talking about it
And we don’t want to feel left out

Remember that people are happier who care less about what others think
You get more done if you take time to rest
Do nothing
And think deeply

If you really did miss something
It’s an opportunity to ask
And to make a new friend or two

Always be yourself
Always do the right thing
Being yourself is the best to add value
You bring unique perspectives and ideas to the table

Dare to be different,
Dare to make a difference


Together we build a world free of fear.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

 

99 Fears: Fear of the Unknown

Take a leap, and the net appears.

Fear of the unknown makes us unmoving. 

It drives us to take the safe option. 

And the safe option isn’t necessarily the best option.

A step forward is the right thing to do.
You stay in a job you hate.

In a relationship long gone toxic.
Remember that you have more control than you think.

And more creativity than you know.

You will figure it out.
Most situations are temporary.

You can go back to the old way if it doesn’t work out.

There’s a return policy.
Raise your hand,

And the universe rewards you.
Take a leap,

And the net appears.
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Together we build a world free of fear. What would you do if you were not afraid?

99 Fears: The Fear of Choosing Wrong

What would you do if you were not afraid?

Sometimes you suffer from indecision.
You have opportunity overload. 

You can’t decide what matters.
First, find out who you are.

And what you believe in.
Once you choose, go all in.

Don’t go half-ass in.

Stay the course for a while.
Stay steady this month.

There are dozens more months to change your mind.
Some people take their chances and win big.

Those are the stories you hear about.
You don’t hear about the other 99.9% who took their chances and won small.

Or didn’t win at all.
It might take 10 attempts to find what works.

You may never find it if you give up at two.
What this power is I cannot say.

It begins when a man or a woman knows exactly what he or she wants.

And refuses to quit until they find it.
Set a course.

Stay the course.

At least for a little while.

It will make a difference you’ll see.

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Together we build a world free of free.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

99 Fears: The Fear of Incompetency

Low self-esteem is the fear of not being good enough.

It’s the voice inside your head that says: I don’t have what it takes.

It’s the fear of incompetency.

Of being in over your head.

There are thousands of days left.

And thousands of opportunities for self improvement.

The ‘you’ of tomorrow will be better at this.

Adopt a growth mindset.

Accept as much feedback as you possibly can.

Grow as fast as possible.

Abandon your fixed mindset.

Your fear of incompetency gets in the way of growth.

 

99 Fears: The World is Increasingly Afraid

I was afraid to write this. And I was afraid to click ‘publish’. I am not alone. The world is increasingly afraid.

Dream of a world free of fear. What would you do if you are not afraid? And if everyone you know felt fulfilled by every day’s work? Together, we build this world.

Stepping through your fear and pushing through to the other side is the only way for you to reach closer to your ideal self.

How to Create a New Habit that Starts to Work Right Away

Creating and breaking habits is hard. Luckily there are some tricks.

My wife constantly reminded me to bring sunglasses to protect my eyes. I constantly forgot. I couldn’t figure out why.

I never forgot to bring my wallet when going out. I simply started always putting my sunglasses with my wallet. Even if I didn’t need them. It worked right away.

This is habit stacking. To create a new habit, attach it to an existing one.

In Business, Empathy is Life and Death

The secret of success in writing is the same as the secret of success in business: empathy.

You have to be able to transport yourself into the shoes of others.

A writer has to go into the shoes of the reader.

The business has to go into the shoes of the customer.

Lack of empathy leads to failure. The reader won’t read the work, the customer won’t enjoy the product.

Steve Jobs excelled at this. He sold you a thousand songs in your pocket (the Apple iPod), not 1GB MP3 hard disk storage device.

In business, empathy is life and death.